He is not there.......

2 years......  it has been 2 years......  over 700 days..... since I have talked to my Daddy...... since I have heard his voice..... since I have seen him kiss my Momma.... since I have told him "bye".

I was no help to Momma and my brothers when they were planning Daddy's funeral.  I was useless.  It took all I had to breathe.  I did nothing. 

We left the funeral home on April 8, 2010, went to the cemetery, dropped the casket that held my Daddy's body off, said a few words and we all left.  I have not been back to that cemetery.  I have not seen the tombstone that has my Daddy's name engraved on it.  I have not seen the small piece of land that was selected to be the final resting place for my Daddy.  I am not sure I ever will.   

Daddy is not there.  He will never be there.

He is with me.  He is in Momma's memory.  He is deep in the hearts of  all of his grandkids.  He is in Jimmy's patience and Johnny's impulsivity.    He is in the face and everyday gestures of both Uncle Dub and Uncle Delbert. 

He is not at that cemetery.

I see him often.

He is seen often sitting on the front porch in the white plastic chair he spent many hours sitting in waving at the neighbors as they passed by.  He is seen often making the walk from the house to the dog pen always with a glass of coke.  He is seen often under that huge oak tree that stood for so many years.  He is often seen on his old blue tractor making turns around the yard. I can also see him sitting in his recliner with with his feet hanging off because he was so tall.  We all see him often. 

He is not in the ground.  He is not in that wooden box.  He is not at the cemetery.  He never was and he never will be.